143 means I love you

If you ever owned a pager, you know that with numbers, you can spell out words or phrases. I never owned a pager, and now that I think of it, I'm not sure how I ever found out that 143 means I love you.

I will explain for those that don't follow:
1 = I
4 = Love
3 = You
It's the number of letters in the word that make up the phrase.

Kenneth and I say "143" all the time to each other. But it is now, at 1:43 am on Sunday morning, that I am borrowing the phrase to discuss my parents. Good timing don't you think?

*Deep Sigh*

I have always known or felt that my parents were great parents. I mean of course I have had moments like every other kid where I wanted to run away, or I felt like I hated them for ruining my life. I never really meant it. I was usually just really mad and it didn't really ever last long. Again, I always knew they were great...but now, at this moment, great is not a good enough word to describe them.

I knew that they would be devastated when I told them the news. Luckily, like planned I was able to tell my mom first. I put all the pressure on her to break it to my dad, brother and sister. I didn't want my dad or sister to know until they were home from work. Ever try driving home from somewhere when you just heard the most insane news ever? Ever wonder how you drove home because you remember nothing about the drive? We didn't need anyone else to be dealing with anything else!

From the time they found out, until the time they reached my front door, they were figuring out how they'd get to me. Every phone calls was another discussion of what means of transportation would get them here. What date they would arrive. Who would be arriving first and who would be arriving second. No scratch that. When they would both be arriving. They were just as scattered-brain as I was with 3000 miles between us.

I will never forget how excited...hmm, maybe that's the wrong word. How relieved I was when I saw them on my front step. Obviously we all broke down, but now I had my mom and dad to do it with! I know I have a lot of people around me who love me and care for me, but it's just not the same as having your own mom and dad with you. I know that you know what I mean! I feel so selfish and at the same time I don't give a .... because I need them here and they need to be here.

They dropped everything to be with me. I often feel guilty about that. Everything they had to do with work just so they could be here as long as they could. Again, I am just so happy they are here. They resumed their caretaker roles as soon as they entered my home. "Do you need anything? Do you want anything? What can we make you to eat? Do you need your laundry done? Did you take your medicine? You have to eat some more!" etc etc.

I have to admit, I have felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders by having them here. They drive for everything (which helps since I am technically on narcotics, and my neck is sore to turn quickly for blind spots.) They have been preparing all the meals too which keeps Kenneth's belly nice and full and gives me one less thing to worry about. I don't usually put off my responsibilities but it's been hard these last 2 weeks. My focus has shifted. I sleep in. I don't feel up to much, and again fall asleep in the middle of anything. To have them here to help me out and lift my spirits...I just couldn't ask for anything more!

Okay maybe I could! Having Jay and Christina here would be perfect but they are busy getting their own lives together and I would never want them to disrupt their own lives for me. I will be better soon and we can make plans then. By the way, they were here just before my parents arrived. It's like a relay race with me as the baton. We had a great time just hanging out, playing Wii, eating, shopping, laughing. It was so great having them here and they were such a great distraction for me while I waited for my first surgery. I will never be able to thank them enough for doing what they did for me. I also will never forget how I felt when I saw not one sibling, but both siblings standing outside of LAX. I was so overwhelmed and so happy I could only cry for a few minutes. Great also doesn't do them justice!

I don't know how I am going to be able to let my parents go home. I know they need and have to. I know that there are a lot of people counting on them too. I just wish it wasn't so. I will find it in me to let them go home to Toronto so that they can return back to their responsibilities. But it's just so weird. Me sitting here right now, typing this, I have such a peaceful feeling inside knowing they are just a block away!

Mom and Dad. Thank you for always putting your children first. Thank you for risking everything to be here with me, to support me, love me, keep my spirits up, aid me with rides, and recovery, and everything. Thank you for loving my husband and treating him as if he were your own. Thank you for not getting upset with me because I said I would be ready at 10 and now it's noon! You will never know just how much I love you or just how much happiness and peace you have brought to my heart by simpling being here. I fight this battle not only for myself but also for you. I look forward to more travelling together, more celebrations that revolve around eating, and more 3 hour phone calls long distance....hey! I am sure that will be like therapy for my tongue! ha-ha
All of my love, your daughter!